Just Say No: The Public Marriage Proposal Fail

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Note to self: Don’t do this.

Sometimes, our self-preservation gene actually kicks in and saves us. While normally reserved for actual life or death situations, it sometimes overrides commands to the brain that will result in extreme humiliation. Other times, like in the case of public wedding proposals, it abandons us entirely.

Just say no. Here are some basic tips for guys. Always avoid proposing at the spot you first met her, unless the spot you first met her was in Paris. Especially avoid proposing at your local mall food court. While it’s hard to top Cinnabon for ambience, go ahead and hold out. Trust us, she is ashamed she met you there and reminding her won’t win you any favors. And while we’re on the subject of bad mall proposals, pass on hiring a live band. All you will succeed in accomplishing is having more people witness your destruction, and actually pay them to do so.

Compared to our next location, Cinnabon looks downright elegant. Yes, NBA teams will allow you to propose on the court, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Don’t believe us, just ask this poor guy. While she claims she likes sports, it doesn’t mean she wants to be reminded of the day you proposed whenever she smells beer and cheap nachos. On the the bright side, when she says no, watching her getting booed to tears will provide a small amount of consolation but the odds are higher that you’ll end up being consoled by a guy dressed as a chipmunk.

Of course, if the chances of her saying no are high, you may choose a very public location precisely because it makes it more embarrassing for her to say no. Think of it like a Hail Mary pass, something best avoided unless certain defeat looms anyway.

We hope this article will help you avoid one of the worst decisions of your life, one that will live forever online. A quiet, romantic restaurant, while technically a public place, is preferable. Better yet, make a fancy dinner at your apartment. That way, if she says no, there won’t be a douchey waiter to provide false sympathy. Cheers.