Careers We’d Love To See Paris Hilton Excel At

World's Best DJ

America’s favorite heiress recently proclaimed herself “one of the most powerful DJ’s ever.” While her statement raised eyebrows, (and in full disclosure, I can’t actually name any famous DJ’s) she may have a point. It can’t be very difficult to excel at DJing. Virtually everything they create sounds identical to everything else and aside from a few interesting haircuts and appropriately enigmatic names, they are indistinguishable from each other. I prefer she would have chosen something truly extraordinary to excel at. Here are some suggestions:

World’s Best Chemical Weapon Disposal Specialist:
While Paris might not be able to showcase her famous figure in a containment suit, she brings a refreshing lack of political and religious preconceptions to the field. Syrians might appreciate a modestly attired woman inspector, plus her struggle to overcome cultural and gender barriers could make an awesome miniseries.

World’s Best Environmental Engineer:
Saving the world one iceberg at a time. Paris would love the idea of being a key figure in reversing global warming. While there is no definitive proof that global warming is a direct result of man’s actions, the idea of Paris jet-setting around the globe could do wonders for polar bear fundraising plus produce an amazing Vanity Fair cover.

World’s Best Lobbyist For British Petroleum:
Getting people to like dance music is easy. Getting people to like the company that polluted the Gulf of Mexico and destroyed the livelihoods of thousands of fisherman is another story. Turn this one around and Paris has our respect.

World’s Best Job of Turning Around AOL:
AOL just hasn’t been financially sound since phone beepers were a big deal. If Paris can turn the former colossus into a company that actually belongs in the 21st Century, then we are talking.

World’s Best Reformer of the Federal Reserve:
The Fed is one of the most complex organizations to run, let alone understand. If Paris could bring clarity to this baffling financial hydra, she would truly earn our accolades.

Hope this helps.